One of the funny things about Thailand is the amount of “security” guards that couldn’t guard a crocodile (or two wanted criminals from walking past them at the airport) from a slightly aggravated kitten.

However these uniformed warriors are keeping our parking lots, condos and offices safe by sleeping, scratching and smoking 24/7, occasionally they do something amazing…

One night, my condo’s security guard found me dead and carried me to my apartment.

And I had no idea!

I will skip the night out part but essentially I was in a place called RCA with a load of friends and more who I bumped into. Bumping into a friend normally meant I bought us a few shots and exchange some worthless comments of how “it’s been too long” or “good to see you again”.

10 beers, 6 shots, 4 tequilas and 2 Long Island Ice Teas later, I was well on my way to Drunk-Ville…in inhabitants 2 or 3…sometimes more depending on if I was just seeing double or going for triple sighted.

I managed to find a Taxi. Actually he probably found me.

I remember telling him “Rachaddar soi sip”, which is where I live. I remember the yellow lights of the street lights flashing by as I tried desperately to stay awake and safe. The last memory I have is opening the door and looking directly down at the floor.

Rachaddar soi 10 or “bed” as I thought it was called on that night.

Then I woke up, in my room on the 6th floor of my building. In my bed. Just my pants off. The sun shining in through my balcony doors. I was fuzzy but I must have slept like the dead as I didn’t feel so bad.

First thing is to check your phone and wallet is in the vicinity and they were. Result!

I do remember thinking how strange that pants where no where to be seen. I was so happy that I was home and still confused at how.

Taya, my now fiance arrived a little while later and I went down so meet her.

I met her outside and we headed out for lunch. I started walking down the small road that leads to my condo. It is about 50 meters of small road with the occasional noodle store on the side. I then looked back and saw Taya had not been following me, instead she was talking to the security guard.

First look I saw her listening intently.

Then her mouth started to open with a shocked look on her face.

Then her mouth opened even more and her hand moved to cover her mouth. As the security guard was passionately explaining some sort of amazing event that happened around where I was standing.

Her eyes opening wider with each sentence interjected with pointing at me and then at the abandoned Noodle stand I happened to be standing next to.

Something’s up…my mind quickly reported to me. So I slowly started walking back trying my hardest to think back at what they could be talking about and why.

Charades broke out as he started showing how he had picked up something and carried it somewhere. Then how he had thrown it down and did some sort of two handed pulling motion.

I had only been in the country about 6 months so I had literally no idea what he was saying and I was terrible at charades.

Taya turned to me, stared at me, took a deep breath and began to translate. Lets just say I followed her steps of surprise at the story she laid upon me.

It was the story of what happened just after I opened the door facing the floor.

Now at this stage I should share something rather personal about myself. Many have commented is a certain share of VERY weird.

When I am drunk. I sleep with my eyes completely open! 

See the header image of this post for proof 🙂

Taya told me that one of the cleaners had walked passed me sleeping on top of the Noodle stand with my eyes completely open and thought I was dead. Being so deep in my sleep I was a un-responsive but after a few jabs and slaps I had finally mumbled something and they knew it was alive.

She further explained that the security guard recognised me, knew what room I was in and picked me up; took me to my room and with two hands pulled of my trousers that were black from sleeping on the street.

Taya was angry at me for being so stupid but I was just so relieved that Thai people can be amazingly caring. The security guard would have been paid nothing much to live on but he took the time to look after me.

I went up to him and thanked him profusely.

Now I know that a gift would have been the best thank you so If I ever meet him again, and now I can afford it, I will buy him some Whisky to say thank you for looking after the Ting Tong Farrang Mow Mak Mak “funny foreigner who was so so dunk.”.